A Pondering About Absinthe for Bartenders

Absinthe is one of those historic fascinations that never quite go away. We were just on the verge of letting absinthe settle into the dustbin of history when two events happened. One, the Goth kids heard about it, especially that (whoever the 19th century poet they pretend to have read) drank it, which means they must have a glass immediately so everybody knows how cool they are. Two, the cult classic (and tragically short-lived) HBO series "Carnival" featured a character who drank absinthe the way the Small Lebowski drank White Russians, so the art scene found out about it.



For satisfying this crowd of looky-loos, you could just about add green food coloring to ordinary vodka and slap on a new label and most of them wouldn't know the difference. Truly, would you yourself know absinthe if you tasted it? But for the barkeep who's serious about doing their homework and offering the real deal, here's all the research in one place.



Absinthe is (or was) a highly alcoholic, distilled liquor with a kick of anise flavoring, made from a complex set of herbs including the plant known as "grand wormwood", with a light bitterness and great complexity imparted to the flavor by multiple herbs. Be sure to correct those who call it a 'liqueur' - it had no added sugar. That's why you have that goofy spoon - you put a lump of sugar on the spoon and hold it over the glass and pour the absinthe over it. It was consistently green in color, like watered-down green apple schnapps.



Due to its sky-high proof (around 75 percent pure alcohol) and concentration of oils, absinthe drinkers typically add from three to five parts ice-water to a shot of absinthe, which causes the drink to turn cloudy; often the water is used to dissolve the added sugar (from step one) to increase bitterness. This preparation is considered an important part of the experience of drinking absinthe, so much so that it has become ritualized.



Now, here's where the kid angle comes in: The ingredient wormwood (Artemisia absinthium), contains the neurotoxin thujone. Thujone is chemically similar to THC, which is the active ingredient in marijuana, and some speculate that the two compounds act on the brain in similar ways. Of course, the first thought running through the head of a shrouded Goth is "So it's like legal pot???" Well, try to break it gently to them, but no, it isn't. Thujone is only similar to THC, not equal. You'd have to chug a gallon of the stuff to get the thujone effect, passing out in a drunken stupor first. And finally, it is, for the most part, illegal in many parts of the world even today.



The reason behind its illegality is that it was demonized as a ruining influence in 19th century France. All their poets and painters, gargling their late night glasses by gaslight in the cafe society of the belle epoch, supposedly went mad or at least slacked off on production. Vincent van Gosh lopped off his ear and he drank absinthe, so, with the same logic that causes today's courts to ban violent video games whenever kids go on a shooting spree, absinthe was promptly outlawed.



Studies have since shown that the real problem was probably alcoholism in general (including wine served at every single meal), that any specific drink. Perhaps, because absinthe was so strong, alcohol poisoning and the occasional shot of methanol (after all, it was the 19th century, and they were working by gaslight) probably struck the absinthe drinker with more regularity.



Today, most countries do not have a legal definition of 'absinthe' like they do 'scotch whiskey'. But it is technically illegal in a patchwork quilt of countries all over the globe, whatever it is. In some places the laws say absinthe's OK as long as it isn't so-and-so percentage this and that, some countries outlaw it based on its alcohol content alone, and some countries make no sense and ban drinks with wormwood in them, while ingredients like sage and sage oil (which can be 50% thujone!) get off Scott free.



Hey, sage! That's a plan. Maybe you could take Everclear, dilute it with something weak but complicated-tasting, add some sage oil, and sell it as "absinthe"! All it would take is a patent and trademark on the name, you'd have brand recognition for years to come. What's that, Everclear is illegal in some states, too? Oh, phooey, they won't let us have any fun.

Hollywood Actress Exposes Horror of Breast Implant Complications

At a 35th birthday party for rapper P. Diddy in November of 2004, actress Tara Reid exposed more than just a left mammary; she exposed the truth about breast implant complications and the horrifying effect that breast augmentation surgery can have on a woman's body. While she posed on the red carpet for photographers, the top of Reid's dress fell, exposing her left breast and what looked like a completely reconstructed nipple.



The actress, evidently mortified as photographers snapped pictures, fell prey to the all-too common complications associated with breast implant surgery. But, this wasn't even the first time that Tara Reid's breasts became water cooler fodder.



Shortly after filming American Pie, the world noticed as her breasts grew from a measly A-cup to D-size overnight. It became immediately apparent to all of America that the actress underwent major breast implant surgery at the very young age of 18.



At the time, no one realized the extent of the actress' battle with her breast implants, probably due to some hard PR work on behalf of the actress. But, in 2004 as Reid and her augmented breast strolled down the red carpet on the way to Diddy's 35th birthday bash, no amount of PR could hide the fact that the actress suffered from some horrific complications associated with her breast implants.



Every year in this country, thousands upon thousands of women undergo some type of breast enhancement surgery, but thousands also have their breast implants removed due to associated complications that most commonly include breast implant rupture or shifting, to more serious complications such as chronic infection of the breast, in some cases leading to breast cancer.



Luckily for the women who choose surgical methods of breast augmentation, no paparazzi follow them around, waiting patiently for a breast to slip and expose their secret breast implant complications. If America could feel the pain that everyday women experience for larger breasts on a regular basis, it would certainly result in a sharp decline in the number of breast implants performed by plastic surgeons each year, especially for women who decide to go under the knife at such a young age as actress Tara Reid.



Fortunately today's woman can choose from a veritable buffet of natural breast enhancement options. No longer do women need to suffer the horrific complications associated with breast implants in order to achieve the larger breasts that they desire. In today's market, there are other safer, all-natural breast enhancement alternatives for a woman looking to increase the size of her breasts.



These options boast safety for any woman, in an over-the-counter alternative, with none of the side effects or complications involved with breast implant surgery, and a fraction of the cost associated with breast enlargement surgery.



As for Tara Reid, reporters now argue that the actress actually has the ugliest breasts in the world. But, it's pretty apparent that the complications that the actress suffered due to her breast implants are more common than women want to admit.



Fortunately, many women can look in the mirror happily and appreciate their natural breasts, and others who aren't as happy with the way they look, choose safer, more natural breast enhancement methods of increasing their breast size.